Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
