Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
