that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
