I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
