I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
