Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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