as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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