a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You ate ashes out of my bong
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
