Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
