sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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