You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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