I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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