girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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