i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
