mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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