All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
