ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
