someone owes me an orgasm
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
