took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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