Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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