You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
