who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
