I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would fuck him just for his dog
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
