There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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