why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
