The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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