There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
