PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
