the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
