I just made out with a guy for $7.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
