Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
