you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
