so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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