My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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