i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she looked like the before picture.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
