So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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