I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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