I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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