3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
