she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
