did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
