i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
