I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
