Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
