redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
