who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
