I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
