Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
