Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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