Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My feet surprised me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
