I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
